What the lawyer will ask at the first meeting

Divorce and family lawyers ask roughly the same things at the start, whatever the state:

  1. Dates. When you married, when you separated if you did, when you found out.
  2. Children. Whether there are children together or children who depend on you.
  3. Income. Yours and your spouse's, monthly, as far as you know, and the household's monthly expenses.
  4. What you own and owe. Every account, debt, property, vehicle, business interest and retirement plan you know of, with a figure and where the figure comes from.
  5. Whose it is. For each line, in whose name it is held, whether it was acquired before or during the marriage, and whether you consider it separate or shared, as far as you know.
  6. What you cannot see. The accounts you suspect, the balances you do not have, the documents you could not get.

Nothing here requires you to decide anything. "I don't know" is a valid answer; it becomes a question for the lawyer to pursue.

Divorce financial checklist: documents to bring

Bring copies of what is yours or joint, and a list of what you could not get:

  • Bank and investment statements, the last few months for every account you know of.
  • Tax returns, the last two or three years, with W-2s and 1099s.
  • Pay stubs, yours and, if you have them, your spouse's.
  • Your three credit reports, free at AnnualCreditReport.com.
  • Loans and cards: mortgage, car loans, credit card and personal loan statements.
  • Property: deeds, car titles, a business's documents if one exists.
  • Retirement and pensions: the latest statement of each plan and who administers it.
  • Insurance policies, and any prenuptial or postnuptial agreement.
  • Court papers already served or filed, and any protective order.

Never bring documents you obtained by logging into your spouse's accounts: that can be a crime, and it can hurt your case.

The form your state uses

Most states require both spouses to file a sworn financial statement early in a case, under names that vary: a Financial Affidavit in Illinois, the Declaration of Disclosure with its Schedule of Assets and Debts and Income and Expense Declaration in California (FL-140, FL-142, FL-150), where the preliminary disclosure is mandatory for both spouses, an Inventory and Appraisement required by local rule in many Texas counties, a Statement of Net Worth in New York, a Family Law Financial Affidavit in Florida (Form 12.902(b), the short form, or 12.902(c)). Looking at your state's form before the meeting tells you what your lawyer will have to fill in; the list above is its skeleton.

How to organize what you know

Keep it to a few pages a stranger can read in ten minutes:

  • One line per account, debt or asset, with the balance, the date of that balance and its source: a statement, your credit report, a tax return, what your partner told you, a public record.
  • Unknowns marked as unknowns. A line that says "partner's auto loan, amount unknown, $412 leaves the joint account monthly" is more useful than a guess.
  • A timeline. Dates, amounts, how you found out. Facts, not feelings: whatever you write may be read by others later.
  • Disputed accounts apart. An account opened in your name without your consent is never listed as your debt; it is listed as disputed, with the date of your identity theft report.
  • Retirement plans with the employer and the plan administrator. Dividing a workplace plan usually requires a court order called a QDRO; the lawyer will ask who administers the plan.

Questions to ask a divorce attorney at the first meeting

The consultation is also your interview of the lawyer. Questions people find useful:

  1. How do you bill? Hourly rate, retainer, and who works on the file: a paralegal often bills less.
  2. Have you handled hidden debt or hidden assets? And do you work with forensic accountants when needed?
  3. What should I do, or not do, right now about joint accounts, joint cards and the family home?
  4. Do automatic orders apply in my state once a case is filed, and what do they forbid?
  5. What happens next, and how long does each step usually take here?
  6. Can you take on only part of the case (limited-scope representation) if the budget is tight?
  7. How do we communicate safely, if my spouse can see my phone or email?

Write the answers down during the meeting; you will not remember them all.

What to keep in mind when you share it

A file you prepared to communicate with your attorney can be protected by attorney-client privilege when you hand it to your attorney; the facts themselves are never privileged. Giving a copy to someone who is not your lawyer, a friend, a counselor, a reviewer, can affect that protection. If a lawyer already advises you, ask them before sharing it with anyone else. Keep the file where your partner cannot find it; a downloaded PDF sits in your Downloads folder until you move it.

If you cannot afford a lawyer

About 72% of family court cases have at least one side without a lawyer (National Center for State Courts). Legal aid offices, court self-help centers and limited-scope representation, where a lawyer handles one part of the case, exist for this. LawHelp.org lists legal aid by state. The same organized file helps there too, and it helps a nonprofit credit counselor if debt is the main problem.

A note on cost

We cannot tell you how much a prepared file saves in fees: that depends on your lawyer, who decides how they bill, and part of this work is often done by a paralegal at a lower rate. What is certain is that time spent sorting your facts in the meeting is time not spent on your questions. Own & Owe produces this kind of file from what you enter, on your device, with the limits stated on its first page.